Move $9.000.000 (Nine Million) USD from West Africa?

A letter from West Africa arrive to my yahoo inbox on Friday, 18 July 2008.

Hello Dear Chosen one,

Please excuse me for all the inconveniences my mail could cause you. I saw your profile and have the interest to contact you. Please even if we never knew before, I believe firmly that on the basis of the right of humanitarian assistance that a real confidence can arise from our communication and also a real partnership between us.

I am Miss Crystal Konan, the legitimate daughter of the director of cocoa exporting office here murdered by the rebel’s here because of the political crisis going on here since four years ago.

My father had deposited a consignment with a security company here containing the sum of $9.000, 000 USD (Nine million dollars USD) to allow him to conceive a project of investment at the end of his mandate here.

Regrettably the fate decided on it otherwise.

Today my major concern is to move out this sum outside here. Given that I am the only child and I have seriously suffered from the riggings and the harassments on behalf of the political opponents of my Father.

It is in this prospect that I contact you to please help me to move this heritage from the security company to your country.

Because of the political war and the hostilities in this country I seriously wish to leave from here and live the rest of my life in a more peaceful and politically more stable and quiet country. It is what justifies this demand.

I shall voluntarily agree on a good and appropriate percentage of this money as your compensation for your assistant as for what precedes.

I would like to count on your human, virtuous and professional qualities.
I look forward to receive your urgent responds.
Thanks for your care.

Yours sincerely
Miss Konan Crystal

Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire
West Africa

My Reply

Dear Miss Konan Crystal

Please inform me further how I can assist you.

But please bear in mind, your money will be subjected to my country’s law. For nine million USD, the tax is roughly 30%, so that 2.700.000 USD.

Transferring this much amount of money will also involved some bribery to local official that will take around 10% of your total 9 million. Yes, without extracting the two point seven million you have to pay for taxes.  And yes, in my country you have to bribe for almost anything, even for your driver license.

You would also need security. Having millions of dollar in my country is certainly going to draw some attention. You will have to bribe some mobs and warlord roughly around 8.230.050.000 IDR or around 900.000 USD.

There’s a Komisi Pemberantasan Korupsi (an anti corruption assembly) that you’ll want off your back. Now, this group is pretty though. And there are many people that already nailed by this group. This group is pretty hard to bribe and it will involved a lot of official to nail KPK. You will need roughly 16.460.100.000 IDR or around 1.800.000 USD to get through the justice department, police department, house legislative, and then probably you can nail KPK. I really don’t want trouble with them, so if you don’t agree with this, the deal is off.

I should also inform you that currently I have a debt of 23.775.700.000 IDR due to a failed business, gambling problem, and bad investment. There some people who, if they smell money remotely attached to my name, would claim my debt.

Last thing, I’m currently penniless, so I’m hoping you will be kind enough to pay me for all this trouble 100.000 USD in advance.

Thank You

Sincerely Miniminded Mindcrap

Poor miss Konan…

I sincerely hoped the best for her (and my wallet).

If she agree with all my term above, I will buy PS3, tons of games, and donate the rest to those who need it.

But I’m sure miss Konan would be alright even if she doesn’t agree to work with me, since I’m not the only chosen one.