The Secret Curse of Uncle Roy Suryo™ II (Max Moein)

The Secret Curse of Uncle Roy Suryo™ II (Max Moein)

This story is fictional. Person names, if identical to real life character, are purely accidental. All events similarities with real world events described in this fairy tale, is unintentional. If any of the character described in this tales seems familiar, it’s your mind playing trick on you. The author does not intentionally wish discredit or make a character assassination against any person, there’s more then hundreds of thousand other blogger will do that happily. After all, the author doesn’t want to get sued for misquoting… and hacking… whatever he means by that.

And the story continues.

One week later.

Uncle Roy^TM, still feeling sour from defeat, opened his swollen eyes, and quickly realized that 7 days has gone by, without a single press release, short message, email, ANYTHING. Surprised at how fragile he has become.

This is not him, he told himself. Not the noble Kanjeng Raden Mas Tummenggung (Kermit) he used to be. He is an expert on telematics… at least that what the media believes, most of them… well, maybe some of them. Damn it, all those negative publication last week, some people might get an idea that his hard worked analysis was actually either plagiarism or just a common knowledge that got overexposed by the media.

There must be something productive someone at his stature can do to improve… his own life. There must be something which can be used for a teleconference, press release, or even plain SMS. Something that can keep him at the end of a camera would be nice, anything at all. Even a stolen laptop would be reasonable enough to lure those hungry reporters.

Uncle Roy^TM decides to wake up from the bed.

He realizes that he haven’t let light enter his room for the whole mournful week. He slowly drag his sober ass across the room to open the windows.

Uncle Roy^TM was annoyed when he had trouble finding a spot to put his feet between pizza boxes, vodka bottles, and a bundled FHM magazine from last month that he still haven’t finish analyzing. Disgusting noise that sound like a something crushed follows his every footstep. His right foot feels funny from what seems to be a dried remain of Vigel between his toes.

“I need to take a bath” he thinks to himself while opening the curtain.

The light enters his room and reveals some printed picture of 99% fake Sandra Dewi naked image he haven’t finish analyzing last night. He feels compelled to finish his work, but soon realize he just stepped on his last supply of Vigel, a vital tool in most of his professional career.

He thinks of going to nearby Indomaret to resupply, but change his mind. It is a vital tool, but it can be replaced by body lotion, soap, or even cooking oil in emergency. There is something more important than this.

He struggle to his desk, where his laptop was placed. And slowly sit on his chair, which now fit more perfectly with his ass after the chair was given days of opportunity to carefully carve its shape to match his ass last week. And push the on button.

“I need underwear”, he said to himself after the cold leather of the 5 hour unused chair creep into his skin.

It didn’t take long for his laptop to recover from standby mode.

He ignores his collection of 140 GB of picture he will need to clarify later, and head straight to IE 7 shortcut.

He then login to his web based roy@indo.net.id. Some people use mail client to access their mail, he think it bear the risk of being hacked. He certainly doesn’t need a geeky teenager with 10 grams of eyeglasses and a face full of acne creeping inside his laptop and see what he usually see 9 hours a day. Beside, he’s not sure how to set POP3 and SMTP client on Microsoft Outlook Express.

Then good news arrives.

Somehow those goons at DPR thought that he actually know something about computer that qualifies him to analyze Max Moein Picture.

He’s certain he have printed the picture before. But it’s hard to find anything buried under pizza boxes, FHM, and fake Sandra Dewi’s poster. At time like this he regrets not saving the files to his hard drive.

He does his emergency browsing for Max Moein picture to analyze. Perhaps because some drop of Vigel stuck in his RG45, or because of UTP cable that got crushed under 10 Kg of Popular, somehow Google only return Max Moein picture where the girl in the picture was blurred.

“This is it”, he thinks. “This can bring my name back from the abyss.”

He then pick up the telephone with his left hand, while his right sending a short message service to all saying “I have analyzed Max Moein picture. The man was indeed Max Moein, the woman was blurred intentionally. I’ll give a press release ASAP. Free pizza and an envelope to all who cover the story. KRMT Roy Suryo”

And uncle Roy™ deliver the verdict as fast as he can, without even consulting to uncle Google to find out that Max Moein actually has admitted that he was indeed on the picture, and even without realizing that there are actually a version of the picture where the woman was not blurred.

“This time there will be no way for those bloggers/hackers to discredit me.”

…

To be continued